


Flickers of Blue

by Nymaria



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Force Ghosts, Gen, Heart-to-Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 10:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymaria/pseuds/Nymaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The force ghost of Anakin Skywalker visits Kylo Ren and a conversation regarding the force, the dark and the light, ensues.</p><p>Or how Kylo Ren finally gets a chance to meet his grandfather and expectations don't always hold true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flickers of Blue

After a long day aboard the spaceship, a fruitless search through the First Order's database of reports to glean new information about the resistance, or even a hint of the whereabouts of the girl, Ray, and that renegade stormtrooper FN-2187, Kylo Ren returned to his private quarters.  
They were on course to meet with his master, where he would finally complete his Sith training and unleash his full potential. That pretentious girl would never best him again.

Never. 

He welcomed the familiar heat of anger burning inside him, removed the helmet from his head and sank cross-legged to the floor in a loose meditation stance, relaxing his muscles and letting his mind drift in the powerful presence of the Dark Side of the force.  
It soothed him, whispering seductive promises of revenge and brutal retaliation to him and he lost himself in the darkness.

Abruptly the endless darkness was disturbed by a flicker of light, he was torn from his trance, eyes blinking open and disorientedly looking around himself. 

It wasn't just his imagination.

Blue electric energy swivelled around him, brushing lightly against his skin and he flinched at the sensation, feeling a stab of electricity in his cells. Suddenly the light intensified, brightened to such a degree, it was like a flood of blue enveloping him, the chamber around him disappeared, fading from his vision, until blue was all he could see.

It stopped as suddenly as it began. With a buzz similar to the sound of an igniting lightsabre, the energy flowed together, forming into the figure of a young man with curly, shoulder-length hair, clad in wide robes, a slight, curious smile on his face.

His lightsabre ignited with a hiss, bathing him in contrasting red light. With a scream he grasped the force and catapulted himself forward, proficiently slicing through the figure's torso. No living creature could have survived such an attack.  
For a second the being blinked out of existence, only to reform once again, untouched. He retreated a few steps, creating distance, as he warily watched the intruder.

"Hello, Ben", it acknowledged.

A mixture of nausea and fierce hatred overwhelmed him at the sound of that _name_ , his stomach churned, as he spat, "That's not my name. Not anymore. I am Kylo Ren, I'm a Lord of the Sith!" He breathed hard, then suppressed the anger for a moment and posed the truly relevant question, "What are you?"

"A force ghost. That's not relevant though. You should have asked _who_ I am, who I was."

"Then who are you?", he asked through gritted teeth. 

"My name is Anakin Skywalker, I was a jedi once", the ghost, or whatever it was, said an almost wistful note creeping into his tone. 

"A jedi!" he hissed, clenching his fingers around the grip of his sword, knuckles whitening in rage. 

"You cannot kill me, Ben", the being said in a calming voice, like speaking to a child, smiling reassuringly at him. "More importantly, for the longest time, most of my life, I was a Sith."

Kylo Ren froze at that statement, evaluating the being, no the man in front of him. His aura wasn't dark exactly, but neither was it the peaceful light of a jedi, like the only true jedi he'd ever known, Luke Skywalker. His uncle.

"Throughout the galaxy I was known as Darth Vader. Your grandfather."

He shrank back, violently shaking his head in denial.  
" _You_ are not my grandfather!" His gaze strayed to the burned, half-destroyed helmet on display. 

"Search your feelings, Ben. You know it to be true."

"No! My grandfather would never appear to me like this. Like a jedi and full of weakness!"

The apparition remained staring at him calmly.  
"I'm no jedi, not anymore. And you don't have to believe me. But the jedi are not weak or pathetic, though the dark side makes us think they are. I made the mistake of underestimating them, too. Like you do now, Ben." And there was pity in his eyes as he looked upon him. It was unbearable. 

Rage erupted in his chest, as he spat out, "Stop calling me that! I'm a Sith now!"

But the man ignored him and kept going, steadily moving closer without regard to his words. "I know you, I understand. I was a slave first, then became a jedi knight, only to turn into a sith lord. It was my choice, I embraced the dark side and forsaked the light. And I chose to return to the light. I've seen both sides of the force. You are no sith lord yet, boy."

"I will be", he insisted.

"Yes, you will." There was sadness in the man's eyes and a shadow of regret. "But do you want this? All of it? The pain, the anger, the hatred? You will lose everything, because that is the nature of the dark side", he whispered leaning right regarding him avidly. Kylo Ren couldn't avoid the penetrating gaze burning into his face, it would mean defeat to lower his eyes and he did not cower before an enemy, though this in itself was nearly unbearable.

"Why are you telling me this?" he choked out, feeling like a horrible weight had wrapped around him, constricting his lungs until they burned with the effort to breathe.

"Maybe you remind me of myself", the man replied. "You may call yourself whatever you want. Ben... Kylo Ren, it makes no difference. Neither will allow you to run from your past."

"Han Solo is dead. I killed him. I killed my father! There is no turning back", he stated with finality. Because he knew, the moment he'd shoved his sword through his father's body, heard the sizzling of burned flesh, smelled the stench of cooked meat, that this was the end. He didn't only kill his father, but also part of himself, the part that still desperately clung to the old identity of Ben Solo and his family. 

"Your mother and uncle are still alive", the reminder almost gentle and cruel in the way only honesty could be. Kylo Ren flinched. 

"It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it? "  
Silence greeted that question and it stretched uncomfortably between them. 

"I killed the closest thing to a father to me. Obi-wan Kenobi. I didn't feel better afterwards. Do you?" he inquired blandly. 

"No", admitting that was hard, "but I feel free."

"There is no freedom in the dark side, only service", the apparition said harshly. 

'How would you know?', the words were already on his tongue, when he stopped himself and really looked at the man without being blinded by rage. Even in this form, there was indeed some distinct resemblance to Luke Skywalker, especially his younger self, he'd seen in pictures. Their features were eerily similar, the tilt of his chin, the expressive eyes, the hint of a smile on his face.  
The truth hit him like a slap to the face, because this thing _could_ actually be his long dead grandfather.  
So instead other words, unexpected ones, tumbled from his mouth, thoughts he'd never before consciously acknowledged.  
"I can't stop!" he shouted, a desperate tinge to his voice. He paused, tried to collect himself, swallowed, then added with finality, "It's too late."

"That's your choice. Like it was mine." Kylo Ren looked at the being, the form of Anakin Skywalker - grandfather- and surprisingly there was no judgement there, but acceptance. This was no attempt to change him in his essence, like his father wanted to, it was a mere warning and delivered as such.  
The figure flickered in and out. 

"There's no more time. I've told you what I wanted to. Don't be a coward, boy. You have to live with whatever you decide."  
With those final words the young Anakin Skywalker smiled at him, so unlike anything he ever imagined Darth Vader to be, and disappeared from one second to another. Simply gone. 

Kylo Ren sank to the floor and didn't move for a long time.  
He didn't want to think about it, he wanted to scream, to fight, to destroy something, anything. Allcompassing rage twisted inside him and he proceeded to wreck everything in his path until his chamber was barely recognisable, not a thing left unscathed.  
But he couldn't erase the thoughts planted in his mind, couldn't stop imagining his mother and how she must feel, how she must despise him now. The look on his father's face, as he'd struck him with his lightsabre, diminished him like a stranger. It haunted him, in particular the way Han Solo's hand had touched his face, lingered for a brief moment, his last gesture, before he fell in the abyss. 

He was breathless with uncontrollable fury, but it didn't make him feel powerful for once, just pained and exhausted to the bone.  
"I've made my choice", he murmured to himself, breaking the silence and let himself fall into the darkness, delving deeper than ever before. 

There was no comfort. It felt like being consumed, devoured.

But there was so much power at his disposal, a fingertip away, he just had to grasp it and take it all.  
The sweet temptation of oblivion called out to him and ultimately this is what he wanted. To forget his family, his friends.  
They were nothing, _nothing to him._

Because he'd made his choice, he was _Kylo Ren_. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, just watched the movie and this was lurking in my head. Also, this is only based on the movies. Kudos and comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading!


End file.
